


être un crevard

by bi_lovely



Series: we're secretly out of control [2]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Blow Jobs, Body Worship, Bottom Enjolras, Drunken Kissing, Drunkenness, Hand Jobs, Kink Negotiation, M/M, OR IS IT, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Top Grantaire, Unrequited Love, a lil bit of fluff, bondage talk, bottom!jolras, eponine is also the only person with common sense, eponine is sad, grantaire is still a mess but we still love him, grantaire's perspective, just 10k words of my gay sons making bad decisions, kinda unhealthy relationship tbh, lots of angst tho, mentions of bondage, mentions of spanking, no actual bondage, top!taire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 13:17:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9273476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bi_lovely/pseuds/bi_lovely
Summary: “I’ll fuck you when you ask, okay?” Grantaire said and Enjolras’ eyes lit up. “If you ask. But only when you’re sober.”OrGrantaire messes up and he just keeps doing it over and over again, but we love him anyway.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pantasticlams](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pantasticlams/gifts).



> (if you would like to apply to edit my future fanfictions and work with me, give me some second opinions, and help me out in places where I need to touch up the story then please copy and paste the link below to fill out the application form  
> https://goo.gl/forms/MjwceEHAhTdcp2Xf2 )

**être un crevard:** _to decay in the pursuit of love, leaving a piece of one’s heart behind one as one desperately looks for love._

***

“Okay, tell me again what happened.”

“I’ve told you  _ three times  _ already.”

“More details. I need more details.”

“I’ve gone as far into detail as I care to go.”

“ _ Grantaire. _ ” 

“ _ Eponine. _ ” 

Grantaire had fucked up. Like really royally fucked up. He actually couldn’t believe how completely and utterly he had fucked things up with the guy he’d been in love with literally since the start of university.

“This is serious,” Eponine said. 

“You don’t think I already know that?” Grantaire glared at her. 

“So what’re you going to do about it?” Eponine asked. She rested her chin in the palm of her hand, elbow propped on her desk. “What’re you going to say to him?”

“I don’t know, that’s why I came to you.” Grantaire crossed his arms. 

“So I can tell you what to do?”

“Yes.”

“So I can just fix all your problems for you?”

“Yep.”

“ _ Casse-toi,  _ idiot,” Eponine snapped and flipped him off. 

“Oh, dear god.” Grantaire sunk a little lower in his seat when he spotted Enjolras walking into the classroom. 

Eponine was squinting down at him for a while before she asked, “Is that — oh my god, Grantaire, you did  _ not  _ — is that a  _ hickey _ on his neck?”   
  


“Care to shut the hell up?” Granatire raised his eyebrows. 

“I thought you wanted me to tell you what to do,” Eponine said. 

“Are you going to?” 

“No.”

“Then shut up.”

Enjolras took a seat that was close to the front. Usually he would take the front and center seat, but he probably didn’t want to display the dark purple mark on his neck for the professor to see. 

Grantaire felt uneasy which was stupid. He and Enjolras never sat together in class. Enjolras always sat as close to the front as he could so as to get, to quote Enjolras directly, “the best class experience possible”. 

“Just go talk to him after class,” Eponine said gently. “It’s all going to be okay.”

Grantaire looked to her, eyebrows raised. “I thought you weren’t helping.”

Eponine shrugged. “I’m rooting for you guys. You’d be cute together.”

“Yeah,” Grantaire sighed. 

_ It’s never going to happen, though,  _ he thought to himself.

“Maybe he’ll confess his undying love for you.” Eponine winked. 

“Yeah, right.” Grantaire rolled his eyes. 

As the professor began her lecture, her voice beginning to drone already, Grantaire and Eponine both leaned back in their chairs with quiet groans. They look to one another with tired gazes. 

“It really is all going to be okay with Enjolras, you know,” Eponine said with a reassuring smile. “I have a good feeling.”

Grantaire just sighed. “Whatever you say.” 

***

Grantaire followed Enjolras out of the classroom over an hour later, hurrying after him before he could strike up a conversation with Joly who wasn’t too far ahead. 

“Enjolras!” 

Enjolras stopped, turned, eyebrows raised. “Yes?”

Grantaire caught up to him, tried to catch his breath. “Hey,” he huffed breathlessly. 

“Um,” Enjolras said, “hi.”

“We — we need to talk — about last night,” Grantaire said, trying to suck in a deep breath in between words. 

“Okay? What about it?” Enjolras raised his eyebrows a little higher. 

“ _ What about it? _ ” Grantaire exclaimed incredulously. “You’re kidding me, right?”

“Um, no.” Enjolras shook his head. “Sorry. I was really drunk this weekend. I don’t remember anything that’s happened since, like, nine o’clock on Saturday.”

“Oh,” was all Grantaire could think to say. 

“Why? Did I do something stupid?” Enjolras asked with a frown. 

“Um, no.” Grantaire shook his head. “Sorry. Never mind. I’ve got to go.”

“O-okay?” Enjolras said. “Bye?”

“Bye!” 

***

Eponine was the only one that Grantaire ever shared that conversation with. He was considering himself very lucky, but when he shared the details of what Enjolras had said to him in the hallway with his friend, she had seemed upset. 

“You two are supposed to be together, though,” she had frowned at him while he shook his head and told her it wasn’t meant to be with his own frown to match. 

Several weeks passed and nothing came up in regards to Grantaire’s  _ very big mistake.  _ Halloween was fast approaching and everyone on campus was psyched. Everyone was eagerly arranging a party at the Musain and preparing their costumes. 

Eponine showed up to Grantaire’s dorm with her hair tied up expertly and a red polka dot headband tied around her head. She wore a denim crop top and high waisted jeans and Grantaire grinned when he saw her. 

“The We Can Do It girl,” he said, nodding approvingly. “I like it.” 

“Thank you.” Eponine smiled before looking him up and down, examining his black robes, pointed hat, and round spectacles. “Are you kidding me, ‘Taire?” she placed her hands on her hips and raised her eyebrows. “Harry Potter?  _ Again? _ ” 

“Yep.” Grantaire nodded. 

“It’s the third year in a row,” Eponine said. 

“Harry Potter is fucking awesome, okay?” Grantaire said. 

Eponine rolled her eyes. “You’re just too lazy to ever come up with new costume ideas.”

“You, my friend, are absolutely right.” Grantaire grinned and held out a Sharpie. “Draw my scar for me?”

Eponine huffed. “You’re ridiculous,” she said but she took the marker from him placed the tip of it against his forehead to begin drawing the lightning bolt shape.

When they arrived at the Musain, most people people were already there. 

“Free booze.” Grantaire clapped his hands. 

“Where’s Marius?” Eponine asked. 

Grantaire frowned, thinking back to Saturday night when he’d spotted Marius making out with a blonde girl who lived in a frat house. He thought it best not to mention that to Eponine, though. 

“‘Arry Pottah!” Courfeyrac shouted in what was probably the absolute worst English accent Grantaire had ever had the misfortune to hear in his entire life. He hurried over to Grantaire and Eponine with a huge grin. “Seriously, though?” he asked, returning his voice to his own French accent. “Harry Potter again?”

“That’s what I said!” Eponine exclaimed. 

“And what exactly are you supposed to be?” Grantaire crossed his arms, furrowing his brows in puzzlement at Courfeyrac’s suit and tie and hair that was sticking up in all directions. 

“I’m the scariest thing that one can be,” Courfeyrac smirked and held up a small sign that read,  _ Aliens.  _ “I’m an outdated meme.”

Grantaire snorted. “Okay, whatever, Courf. I need a drink,” he said and headed toward the table laid out with food and drinks on the other side of the room. 

He had to admit that some people had some pretty good costume ideas. Three girls who were walking around together were a rock, a piece of paper, and a pair of scissors; another girl was dressed in totally normal clothes but had a headband with a green Sims diamond standing straight up above her head; one guy had drawn a very realistic Lin Manuel Miranda beard on his face and was walking around with a Hamilton Playbill; Bahorel had, for whatever reason, decided to dress up as little orphan Annie; the girl who Marius had made out with at the frat party had her sleek blonde hair in two perfect buns on either side of her head and was dressed in probably the best replica of Princess Leia’s A New Hope dress Grantaire had ever seen. 

“Grantaire!” Marius shouted. “We’re kind of matching!” 

Grantaire raised his eyebrows at Marius who had his hair fluffed and wavy. He was dressed in a three piece suit and a bow tie with a long blue jacket, as well as a grey and yellow striped Hufflepuff scarf. In one hand he held a wand, and in the other he held an old briefcase. 

“Um,” Grantaire blinked, “who are you even supposed to be?”

“Newt Scamander,” Marius grinned, “duh.”

“Marius, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them has been out for like five seconds,” Grantaire said. “It’s not relevant enough for Halloween yet.”

Marius crossed his arms. “Says the guy who has used the exact same costume three years in a row.”

Grantaire rolled his eyes. “Whatever,” he said and kept moving toward the alcohol. He almost made it there without an incident, too, but of course he wasn’t that lucky. On his way to the table, he spotted Enjolras and  _ goddamnit,  _ why did he have to be so gorgeous?

Enjolras had a puffy white shirt on with a red vest adorned with gold on over it. His black pants clung to his legs in a way that shouldn’t have been allowed in public because  _ honestly,  _ it was  _ obscene.  _ He had a French flag tied around his waist and a loose black tie hanging from his neck. 

He couldn’t have been human. There was  _ no way  _ he was merely  _ human.  _ Grantaire was convinced, now more than ever, that Enjolras was actually a god, sculpted in the heavens, made up of stars themselves.

He wanted him to be his so badly, but how could that ever happen? How could Enjolras — flawless Enjolras — ever be his? He was a mess. He would always be a mess. A mess is all Grantaire would ever be capable of being, as far as he was concerned. 

Enjolras spotted him in the ground and Grantaire did his best to duck out of sight and race to the table laid out with food (because really, he needed alcohol now more than ever), but Enjolras caught up to him. 

“Hey, Grantaire.” He smiled. “Nice costume.”

“Uh, thanks,” Grantaire said. “You — uh — I’m surprised to see you here. You don’t usually take part in Halloween, you know?”

“Yeah.” Enjolras shrugged. “I thought I’d give it a go this year.” 

“Well, that’s good.” Grantaire nodded. “Er, no offense, but what are you supposed to be?”

“I’m a French Revolutionary!” Enjolras beamed. 

Grantaire barely managed to contain the snort that nearly escaped his lips. “Of course you are.”

“Have you gotten a drink yet?” Enjolras asked. 

“No, I was just heading over to get one,” Grantaire said. 

“Great, I’ll come with you,” Enjolras said. 

“Oh?” Grantaire said.    
  
“Joly made sangria and he said it’s really good,” Enjolras told Grantaire as they set off for the table not too far away. 

“I’ve never really been one for sangria.” Grantaire shrugged. “Most of them just taste like liquid fruit salad with a little bit of wine poured over it it.”

“Well, Joly told me he puts a fuck ton of vodka in his sangria,” Enjolras said, “so I’m thinking it’ll have a pretty decent kick to it.”

“In that case, I guess I could try a little bit,” Grantaire laughed. 

Grantaire admitted that the sangria  _ was  _ quite good, but he still wasn’t much of a sangria person. Enjolras, on the other hand, liked the sangria very much and tried  _ much  _ more than just a little bit. 

Grantaire was hoping that it would not be a repeat of the last time Enjolras had gotten drunk, but he was never so lucky as to get what he wanted. By the time midnight was drawing near, Enjolras was in Grantaire’s lap getting a bit more handsy than what was appropriate for a public setting. 

Not that anyone was paying attention. Musichetta, Feuilly, Bossuet, and Bahorel were invested into an intense game of beer pong. Eponine was searching for Marius, but Marius had disappeared with his blonde friend to make out in the bathroom. Combeferre had grabbed onto Courfeyrac, started kissing, and kind of hadn’t stopped (Jehan was standing beside them yelling, “Finally! Finally! Fucking  _ finally! _ ”). 

“Come on,” Grantaire eventually said, coaxing Enjolras to his feet when he thought everyone was distracted enough to not notice them slipping out the door. “I’m taking you back to your dorm.”

“Oh?” Enjolras smirked. 

“Yeah,” Grantaire said, leading him to the exit. He tried to spot Eponine in the crowd on his way out so he could let her know he was going, but there were too many people and she was nowhere to be found. He sighed and decided he’d text her when he left Enjolras’ dorm. 

The journey back to Enjolras’ dorm was a slow one. Enjolras could barely walk without tripping over his own feet while he was actually focused on walking, but he wasn’t even focusing. He was trying pull the black robes off of Grantaire and nip at his neck. 

Grantaire was pretty sure he hadn’t left a party feeling this sober since he was fifteen years old. 

It was crazy that he was the one who was sober, dragging a drunken  _ Enjolras _ back to his dorm to make sure he got there safely. It was even crazier that this was the  _ second  _ time this had happened. And the funny thing was that Grantaire wished Enjolras wasn’t so drunk so that Enjolras could laugh about it with him.

“Do you have the key?” Grantaire asked when they reached the door to the dorm room. 

“Mhm,” Enjolras nodded, fumbling with the contents of his pants pockets for several moments before supplying the little silver key. He made to try unlocking the door himself, but Grantaire quickly grabbed the key out of his hand and did it for him. 

“Thanks,” Enjolras smiled. 

“Okay, come on,” Grantaire said when they stepped over the threshold of the room. “You should sleep.”

“No, I want you to —” 

“Not while you’re drunk, Enjolras,” Grantaire shook his head.

“You did it a few weeks ago while I was drunk!” Enjolras argued. 

“Okay, well I was drunk t— wait a second,” Grantaire said slowly. He frowned and narrowed his eyes at him, pointing an accusing finger. “You told me you didn’t  _ remember  _ what happened that night!”

“I lied!” Enjolras said. 

“ _ Enjolras! _ ”

“Pleeeeeease?” Enjolras stuck his bottom lip out into a pout. He placed his hands on Grantaire’s hips and fell to his knees, looking up at him. “This could be a thing, you know? Just sex. Just stress relief. Grantaire, I won’t regret —”

“Okay, stop.” Grantaire pulled Enjolras to his feet. “Just stop, okay? Listen to me.”

Enjolras frowned, but nodded and resigned himself to hearing what Grantaire had to say. 

“I’ll fuck you when you ask, okay?” Grantaire said and Enjolras’ eyes lit up. “ _ If  _ you ask. But only when you’re sober.”

“ _ Grantaaaaaaire, _ ” Enjolras whined. 

“No,” Grantaire said. He shook his head. “That’s it. That’s my final answer. When you’re sober, or not at all.” 

Enjolras stared at him for a long time, then he laughed bitterly. “You’re such a hypocrite.”

“Yeah, it’s one of my very many flaws,” Grantaire said dismissively. “Come on take your shoes off and get in bed.” 

“‘M not tired,” Enjolras rolled his eyes, but he plopped down on the end of the bed and took his shoes off. He dragged his red vest down his arms and threw it onto the floor.

“Yeah, whatever you say, Apollo,” Grantaire said while Enjolras laid back against the pillows. Grantaire pulled the blankets over Enjolras and tucked him in. “Do you need anything else before I go?”

Enjolras considered the question for several moments before asking, “Why do you call me Apollo?”

“Still not telling,” Grantaire said and he dared to lean over and place a kiss on the top of Enjolras’ head. “Goodnight.”

“Mmm,” Enjolras said, eyes falling shut. “‘Night.”

Grantaire made sure to close the door behind himself as softly as he could manage. He sighed heavily once he was a little ways down the hallway, not quite sure where to go from there. He supposed he could go and get drunk — and sure,  _ that  _ sounded like a great idea at the moment — but he just shook his head to himself and decided it would be best to just go back to his dorm. 

He pulled out his phone. 

**_To Ponine xx:_ ** _ left the party to get enj back to his dorm safely i’ll give the details tmrrw _

**_To Ponine xx:_ ** _ headed back to mine now to get some sleep see you in the morning love you ange xoxox _

He was hoping that Eponine would text him back quickly, but he didn’t hear from her at all that night. 

***

Eponine wasn't in class the next morning so Grantaire sat alone in the back through Professor Valjean's lecture, paying attention for the first time in a long time so that he could take down notes for Eponine. 

After class he set out to find Eponine, give her the notes he'd written for her. He also really needed to talk to her about what happened between him. 

Speaking of Enjolras, before Grantaire could get anywhere near Eponine's dorm, Enjolras walked up to him and stopped him in the hall. "Can we talk?" he asked, looking more than a little desperate for Grantaire to agree. 

"Yeah," Grantaire nodded. "I think that's probably a good idea." 

Enjolras nodded. "Thank you." He ducked into an empty classroom and Grantaire followed, closing the door behind himself and locking it for good measure. 

"I am," Enjolras began slowly, took a deep breath, then went on, " _ so _ incredibly sorry. I can't even began to properly apologize, I just — I can't believe I —"

"Don't worry about it," Grantaire cut him off. He shook his head. "Seriously, it was no big deal." 

"But it was." Enjolras frowned. 

"No, it wasn't." Grantaire shook his head again. "I'm telling you, don't give it a second thought. It's over." 

Good  _ god _ , he hoped it wasn't obvious that he was lying through his teeth. 

Neither of them were sure what to say then, so for a while they just stood in silence. Finally, Grantaire asked, "Was I right?" 

"What do you mean?" Enjolras raised his eyebrows. 

"Sorry," Grantaire said. "You don't have to answer that. I just meant, was I right to think you'd regret having sex with me when you were sober?"

Enjolras turned a deep shade of red. "No. No, you weren’t right." 

Grantaire tilted his head. "Really?" 

"Really." Enjolras nodded. "Were you being honest when you said you'd fuck me if I asked when I'm sober? You don't have to answer  _ that _ , by the way." 

And, well, Grantaire  _ did not _ blush ( _ ever _ ), but he certainly felt a little bit of heat in his cheeks. 

If he was being completely honest, the answer was no. He had only said that to make Enjolras shut up and go to bed and he had prayed that Enjolras wouldn't remember that in the morning. 

"Do you want me to be serious?" Grantaire asked him.

Enjolras sighed, shook his head. "Never mind."

"Please," Grantaire said. "Answer this question. Do you want me to be serious?" 

Enjolras looked Grantaire dead in the eyes and nodded slowly. "Yes. I do." 

The thing was, Enjolras only wanted sex with Grantaire, and Grantaire wanted a loving and fulfilling relationship with Enjolras. There was no way it could work out for the better. 

But Grantaire wasn't about to tell Enjolras that he'd lied to him when he was vulnerable. And besides, Grantaire still wasn't very good at denying Enjolras anything he asked for. 

"Yes," Grantaire lied. "Yes, I was serious."

Enjolras looked unsure. "Really?" 

Grantaire smiled. "Really." He nodded. 

"Oh," Enjolras said, "okay. So, how does that work?"

"I told you," Grantaire said. "Just ask. But you've got to be sober." 

"Okay," Enjolras said. "Well, I'll be in touch?" 

"Okay," Grantaire said. He smiled, nodded once, then awkwardly just turned around and headed out the door. 

He walked down the hallway quite a ways, clutching his notebook to his chest, trying to comprehend just what had just happened. 

He glanced over his shoulder eventually, scanning the hallway from side to side to ensure that Enjolras was nowhere in sight. Once he was sure, he broke into a run. 

As fast as his legs would carry him, he ran to Eponine’s dorm and knocked heavily on the door without quitting until it swung open. “Ep, you are not going to  _ believe  _ what just happened to me! I’m such an idiot! But I don’t know maybe it’ll work out for the better if I just — what’s the matter, Ep?”

Eponine’s eyes were red and puffy, her cheeks were wet and her nose was running. She was clutching a damp tissue tightly in her hand. It was nearly noon, but she had yet to get dressed and it definitely looked as if she’d just gotten out of bed for the first time that day to answer the door. 

“Ep, what’s wrong?” Grantaire frowned deeply. 

“I can’t — ugh. Come in.” She stepped aside and let Grantaire in then closed the door behind him. She went over and plopped back down on the bed, leaning against the pillows. 

Grantaire crawled into bed beside her without a word, pulled her close to him and dragged the blankets over their legs. “What happened,  _ ange? _ ” 

“I — I’m sorry — it’s stupid, really,” she sniffled. “It’s just that — oh, I don’t know — I guess I thought he might actually like me too. I thought I might have just a sliver of a chance with him.”

_ Oh,  _ Grantaire thought.  _ Marius.  _

“He went home with a girl last night,” Eponine said and drew a shuddering breath. “They couldn’t even keep their hands off each other long enough to get out the door. And I want to be  _ angry.  _ I want to be angry with him so badly but I just  _ can’t  _ because it’s not like he’s cheating on me, it’s not like he ever led me on, it’s not like he ever even knew that I love him.”

Grantaire raised his eyebrows in surprise at the same time Eponine froze, because she had never said that she  _ loved  _ him. It had always been blatantly obvious but she’d never  _ said  _ it, she had always steered clear of the L word. 

“I love him,” Eponine nodded slowly, coming to terms with that. “I  _ love _ him.” 

“I know you do, Ep,” Grantaire frowned and hugged her a little tighter. “Do you want me to punch him in the face? Because I’ll do it, you know. The fool won’t even see it coming.”

“No,” Eponine sighed, shaking her head. “I mean yes, I would like for you to punch him in the face, but no. Don’t do it. He was never mine to lose, you know?”

“Yeah, I get what you’re saying,” Grantaire nodded. 

Eponine was silent for a while before she asked, “What happened with Enjolras last night?”

“We don’t need to talk about Enjolras right now,” Grantaire told her. 

“No, I want to,” Eponine said. “I need to know what you fucked up this time.”

“I didn’t do anything stupid last night, okay?” Grantaire said. Even though, okay, that wasn’t  _ totally  _ true. “Just rest. We don’t need to talk about Enjolras.”

“I know we don’t need to but I want to,” Eponine said. “Come on, tell me what happened after you left last night.  _ Please. _ ”

“Alright, alright,” Grantaire said and he dove into the story of the night before, everything that happened, everything that was said, followed by everything that had been said between him and Enjolras that morning after class. 

“Grantaire,” Eponine groaned. “You told me you didn’t do anything stupid!” 

“I didn’t! Not really!” Grantaire protested. 

“Oh,  _ yes, _ you  _ did! _ ” Eponine snapped.

“Well,” Grantaire mumbled. “I didn’t sleep with him. That’s gotta count for something.”

“No.” Eponine shook her head. “No, it counts for literally nothing because you  _ offered to sleep with him.  _ It doesn’t count for a single fucking thing because, sure, you didn’t sleep with him, you’re  _ going to. _ ”

“But — but he wants to sleep with me sober,” Grantaire said. “That’s a good thing, right? He wants me. Maybe one day he’ll —” 

“Suddenly realize he’s in love with you?” Eponine raised her eyebrows. 

“Well. Yes.”

Eponine shook her head. “You need to talk to him. You can’t just tell him it’s just sex and have this expectation for him to fall in love. If you’ve got that preconceived idea in your brain then if it doesn’t happen, you’re going to end up holding a grudge against Enjolras. You’ll start to hate him deep down.”

“Let me guess,” Grantaire rolled his eyes. “You speak from personal experience?”   
  
“I  _ do,  _ but that’s beside the point,” Eponine said. 

“Whatever,” Grantaire said. “I thought you were rooting for us.”

“I am,” Eponine insisted. “But not like this, ‘Taire. Never like this.”

Grantaire checked the time on his phone. “I’ve got to get to my next class,” he said. He ripped the page with the notes he’d written for her and handed it over. “Bye.”

“It was Valjean’s daughter,” Eponine said, staring at the notes from Valjean’s lecture. 

“What?” Grantaire snapped because he was seriously pissed off with her, though there really wasn’t any reason to be. She was absolutely right and he knew it. 

“Marius left the party last night with Valjean’s daughter, Cosette.” Eponine stared down at her hands. 

Grantaire softened then, going back to her bedside and kissing her cheek. “Well, that should make you feel a little better,” he smiled. “Valjean is going to beat the everloving shit out of Marius when he finds out.”

Eponine managed a smile. “Yeah, that’s true. See you later?”

“Yeah,” Grantaire nodded. 

“Grantaire?”

“Mhm?”

“Just be careful, okay? I’d hate to see you get hurt.”

Grantaire smiled. “I’ll be fine, ‘Ponine. But hey, if he breaks my heart, I’ve got you to go and kick his ass for me, right?”

“Of course,” Eponine grinned. 

***

Grantaire’s roommate wasn’t really around very much. He had a girlfriend and usually stayed in her dorm with her (or at least, Grantaire was pretty sure he’d mentioned something along those lines once or twice before). 

Anyway, the point is, Grantaire had never really thought much of it. Sure, it was nice to pretty much have a room all to himself, but Grantaire didn’t really know the difference. He’d been such a lonely child, always alone, so practically having his own room wasn’t a very big deal. 

It had never mattered to him until a few days into November when there came an unexpected knock at his door late at night. 

His first guess was that it might be Eponine, but she would have texted him first if she was going to show up at his dorm close to midnight. Then he thought maybe it was his roommate, because he wasn’t even sure the guy had a key to their dorm anymore.

But when he opened the door, he didn’t find his roommate. There, just outside the dorm room, stood none other than Enjolras. 

Grantaire stared for several moments before placing his hands on his hips. “Are you here to take me up on my offer, then?”

Enjolras blushed. “Maybe.”

Grantaire offered a small smile. “Come in.”

Enjolras walked into the room and Grantaire closed the door behind him and locked it. “So,” Enjolras said slowly, “uh, how does — how does this work?”

“However you want it to,” Grantaire said. “I told you, all you’ve got to do is ask.”

“Okay,” Enjolras said. He nodded slowly. “I just — I’m really stressed right now. I don’t know. Is that wrong? That I want to have sex for stress relief? Does that, like, make me a terrible person?”

“Because you want sex?” Grantaire raised his eyebrows. “Dude, it’s the twenty first century. People have sex for less of a reason than that all the time.”

“I don’t,” Enjolras said. 

“I know.”

“But you do?” Enjolras asked. 

“Sometimes,” Grantaire shrugged. 

“I don’t get it,” Enjolras said. “I mean, obviously I don’t have a problem with other people doing it, and obviously I — I mean, I’m here, aren’t I? But I don’t understand how people do it, I don’t get how it works.”

Grantaire stared at him for a long time with Eponine’s words ringing in his head. She was right, this was a bad idea. Enjolras was asking Grantaire if it was okay to just want sex and yeah, it was, but Grantaire wasn’t really okay with it when it came to him and Enjolras. 

_ Screw it,  _ Grantaire thought. 

“I’ll help you,” he finally said.

Enjolras tilted his head. 

Grantaire placed his hands on Enjolras’ hips and pulled him closer. “Want to lay down?”

Enjolras swallowed hard and nodded slowly. 

Grantaire let go of his hips and watched him walked over to the bed and lay down slowly. He followed him then, swinging one leg over his body so that he was perched atop his hips. Wordlessly, he began to undo the buttons of Enjolras’ shirt and he pulled the garment off of him, discarding it onto the floor.

“Now,” Grantaire said slowly, fingers lingering over the zipper of Enjolras’ trousers, “what would you like me to do for you, Apollo?”

Enjolras’ brow furrowed. “Why do you call me Apollo?”

Grantaire chuckled. “Why do you keep asking me that?”

“I want to know,” Enjolras said simply. 

“Oh,” Grantaire nodded with a hint of a smirk playing at his lips. He leaned over and peppered kisses across Enjolras’ cheekbones. “We cannot know his legendary head with eyes like ripening fruit.”

“Grantaire?”

Grantaire shushed Enjolras and moved to kiss along his jawline, down his neck. He placed wet, open mouthed kisses along his chest before looking up at Enjolras to continue, “And yet his torso is still suffused with brilliance from inside, like a lamp, in which his gaze, now turned to low, gleams in all its power.”

“Grantaire, what are you doing?” Enjolras asked, puzzled, but he was only shushed once more. 

“Otherwise the curved breast could not dazzle you so,” he said before his sucked a peaked nipple in between his teeth and bit down gently, eliciting a little gasp from Enjolras. Grantaire placed small bites all along his torso, then licked and kisses over them until he reached Enjolras’ waist. 

With a smirk that didn’t seem to be going away anytime soon, Grantaire pulled the zipper down slowly. He undid the button and peeled the tight jeans off of Enjolras. He dipped his fingers beneath the waistband of Enjolras’ boxers and went on, “Nor could a smile run through the placid hips and thighs,” he said as he yanked the boxers down and tossed them on top of the recently discarded trousers, then he laid back down on his stomach in between his partner’s legs and nuzzled his nose along Enjolras’ dick, “to that dark center where procreation flared.”

Grantaire looked up at Enjolras. His eyes were hooded and his face was red. He had his mouth hanging open like he was about to say something, but couldn’t figure out exactly what to say. 

Grantaire smiled and swallowed his cock whole, dragging a sharp moan from his lips, then pulling off of him. He stroked him with his hand, much too slowly for Enjolras’ liking. Fast enough to keep him hard and ready, but not enough to actually get him anywhere. 

Enjolras reached down and tugged hard on Grantaire’s hair, sending a pretty clear message that he wanted to Grantaire to  _ hurry the fuck up,  _ but Grantaire plainly didn’t care. He kept on at the same pace and returned to his poetry. 

“Otherwise this stone would seem defaced beneath the translucent cascade of the shoulders, and would not glisten like a wild beast’s fur: would not, form all the borders of itself, burst like a star: for here there is no place that does not see you.” 

Grantaire stopped stroking Enjolras altogether, earning himself an annoyed whine, and he circled his thumb around and around the head. He dropped his hand again then, moving a little faster than before, nudging Enjolras a little bit closer to that edge that he wanted to watch him teeter on. 

“You must change your life,” Grantaire said with a note of finality in his voice, indicating that he was finished reciting poetry. He placed a kiss to the tip of Enjolras’ cock. 

“What — the fuck — oh, good  _ god _ , Grantaire — was that?” Enjolras was finding that it pretty difficult, at this point, to string together a coherent sentence. 

“Archaic Torso of Apollo,” Grantaire said and he started to move his hand a little faster, “by Rainer Maria Rilke.”

“Okay, but  _ why? _ ” Enjolras huffed. 

“You asked me why I call you Apollo,” Grantaire said. 

“That — that doesn’t answer my question,” Enjolras said breathlessly. 

“Never mind,” Grantaire said and before Enjolras could push the matter, he sucked Enjolras back into his mouth, sliding his mouth downward until he felt his nose brushing against the curly hairs at the base. 

“Gran—  _ oh, holy fuck! _ ” Enjolras cried when Grantaire sucked hard, cheeks hollowing against him. 

Grantaire started to bob his head and that was really the final straw. Enjolras lost it, tugging sharply on Grantaire’s hair and whining and  _ moaning.  _

“You need — oh, shit — you need to — if you don’t want me to — oh, Grantaire —” 

Grantaire wrapped his lips tightly around the tip and hummed to tell Enjolras that he was just fine where he was, thank you very much, and to go right ahead. 

Enjolras wanted to push the matter — just as he always did, with everything he was ever involved in. He wanted to make sure that he understand what Grantaire meant, wanted to ask him if he was absolutely sure, but before he got the chance he was too far gone, he was coming down Grantaire’s throat and Grantaire was swallowing around him. 

“Oh my god,” Enjolras breathed. “Oh my  _ god.  _ I can’t — I — that was —”

“Better when you’re sober, right?” Grantaire grinned as he crawled up to collapse beside Enjolras. 

“Yeah,” Enjolras nodded with a grin. “Oh, yeah. Oh, holy shit, that was amazing.”

Grantaire matched his grin. “Good, good. I aim to please.”

“I — oh my god — okay, just give me — give me one minute,” Enjolras said. 

“To do what?” Grantaire asked.    
  
“I have to — well — you know.” Enjolras gestured to the bulge in Grantaire’s sweatpants. 

“Don’t worry about it, you can go back to your dorm,” Grantaire shrugged. “You don’t need to —” 

“I want to,” Enjolras insisted and he pulled down Grantaire’s sweatpants and his boxers. “I really want to,” he whispered and he curled his fingers around Grantaire’s cock, smearing the precome dripping from the slit with his thumb and stroking him fast. The angle was awkward, but Grantaire still groaned. 

Grantaire leaned in and buried his face in the crook of Enjolras’ neck, mouth falling open. Enjolras twisted his wrist just so as he stroked a little faster — faster and faster — and Grantaire whined.

Grantaire didn’t really understand what was happening to him until it was almost over. Didn’t even think about it until he  _ thought  _ about it, if that even made any sense. 

_ Enjolras has got his hand on my dick.  _

It was hard to comprehend after all the time he had spent wishing Enjolras would take him out on a date and take him to his bed afterwards. And sure, there had been no date, and Grantaire had been the one to take Enjolras to bed, but he’d take what he could get. 

Before he could give Enjolras any kind of warning, he was coming all over his hand. 

Enjolras reached to the floor and grabbed his own shirt to clean them both up. “Thank you,” he said. 

Grantaire smiled. “Thank  _ you. _ ” 

“So is this, like,” Enjolras said, “something you might want to do again? Are you still for this being, you know, a thing?”

Grantaire smiled again. “I am if you are.”

“Good,” Enjolras said and kissed Grantaire’s chin. 

Grantaire was so fucked. 

***

Grantaire decided against telling Eponine about his night with Enjolras. In fact, neither of them brought up what Grantaire had told her and as far as she was concerned, Grantaire and Enjolras were not acting on their agreement and had yet to sleep together. 

In reality, between the fifth and tenth of November, they had slept together three times (that was not including the night of the midnight blowjob and handjob). 

A couple days after Enjolras had showed up at Grantaire’s dorm room at midnight, he showed up again and asked Grantaire to fuck him. Two days later it happened again, and three days after that he texted Grantaire and asked him to come to his dorm room and (as Grantaire had predicted on his walk over) he ended up fucking Enjolras for a third time that week. 

But what Eponine didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her, right?

One Friday night toward the middle of November, Grantaire began to realize exactly what he was getting himself into. This was all stress relief for Enjolras, and he knew that, so he should have seen this coming. Enjolras never did anything in halves, and distracting himself from life’s many pressures was certainly included in anything. 

So Enjolras showed up to Grantaire’s dorm room around nine o’clock (much earlier than he had ever showed up to get fucked) with a duffle bag, he sat down on Grantaire’s bed with him and said, “I want you to tie me up.”

Grantaire choked. “ _ Excuse me?! _ ” 

“I want you to tie me up,” Enjolras repeated. “And fuck me. At the same time.”

Grantaire blinked. “You want to try  _ bondage? _ ” 

“Yes.”

“Enjolras, aren’t I like one of two people you’ve had sex with ever?” Grantaire raised his eyebrows. 

“ _ Three, _ ” Enjolras grumbled. 

“Oh,  _ okay!  _ Well, I guess it’s okay, then.” Grantaire nodded. 

“What does that matter?” Enjolras glared. 

“I mean, I guess it doesn’t,” Grantaire shrugged. “But you go all red if I so much as  _ look  _ at you a little suggestively, and you want me to actually tie you to a bed and fuck you? While you’re  _ tied up? _ ” 

“Yes,” Enjolras nodded. “Look, if you don’t want to do it I won’t hold it against you or anything. I don’t want you to do anything that you’re not comfortable with. I just thought I’d ask.”

“No, I’ll do it,” Grantaire shrugged. “It wouldn’t be the first time, anyway. You’ve just never struck me as the kind of person who’d want to try bondage. You also don’t strike me as the kind of person to be comfortable  _ asking  _ to try bondage if you did want to try it.”

“Oh, well, yeah,” Enjolras said. “I suppose you’re kind of right. I don’t, like I’ve told you before. I just want to try and be normal for a little while. Try new things. And I guess I’ve gotten pretty comfortable with you lately, what with, you know —” 

“Aw, you’re comfortable enough with me to talk about bondage?” Grantaire gushed. “What was it? My boyish charm? The fact that I fucked you into this very matress so hard you couldn’t remember your own name?”

“Wait, so you’ve tied people up before?” Enjolras crossed his arms. 

“Yeah,” Grantaire said. “Tied up, been tied up.” 

“Oh, wow,” Enjolras said. “So how do we st—”

“We don’t,” Grantaire shook his head and Enjolras opened his mouth to question him, but he smiled and said, “Not yet. We have to talk about it first. We need to make sure nothing’s going to go wrong.”

“Oh,” Enjolras said. “So I think we —”

“Not right now,” Grantaire said and Enjolras huffed impatiently. Grantaire chuckled. “This isn’t something you want to rush. How about I take you out for coffee tomorrow morning? We can talk about everything then.”

“You want to talk about this in  _ public? _ ” Enjolras’ eyebrows shot way up. 

“We’ll go to a nice, quiet little coffee shop,” Grantaire assured him. “We’ll sit in the corner, and we’ll just talk it all through.”

“Okay,” Enjolras nodded. “Okay, that sounds alright.”

“Good,” Grantaire nodded back. “I’ll come by around nine?”

Enjolras smiled. “Okay. I’ll see you then.” He stood 

“Can’t wait,” Grantaire said.

Enjolras got up and moved across the room, one hand on the doorknob. He looked back over his shoulder and winked. “It’s a date,” he said before he left the room. 

Grantaire swallowed hard. “Yeah,” he said dryly to himself. “A date.”

***

Grantaire knocked on Enjolras’ door at precisely nine o’clock the next morning. He couldn’t help but smile excitedly. 

This  _ was  _ kind of like a date. All he and Enjolras had done so far was have sex, but this was new. They were going out for coffee. Just  _ coffee.  _

_ Yeah, just coffee and discussing bondage,  _ a little voice in the back of his head reminded him. 

The door swung open and Combeferre raised his eyebrows. “Um, hi. Grantaire. Hi. Uh — what’re you doing here?”

“Oh, uh,” Grantaire said. “Enj and I — we’re having coffee — and, uh — is he here?”

Enjolras hurried to push Combeferre aside. “Uh, yeah. Bye, ‘Ferre. Gotta go.”

“Oh, okay,” Combeferre nodded. “Um — have fun?”

“Mhm, yeah, thanks,” Enjolras slammed the door behind himself. “Do you think he’s suspicious?” Enjolras hissed as they were headed down the hallway. 

“Do I think that sweet, innocent, naive Combeferre who is, like, the human embodiment of a flower is suspicious of us going to a coffee shop to talk about me tying you up before I fuck you?” Grantaire raised his eyebrows at Enjolras. “No. No, I do not.”

“Fair enough,” Enjolras said. 

They caught a cab and headed to a coffeehouse several blocks away from campus. They ordered their drinks and found a table in the most secluded corner the coffee shop had to offer. 

“Okay, so,” Enjolras began. “Um, I — so — we — uh —” he paused to sip his coffee.

Grantaire sat back and sipped his own latte, allowed Enjolras a moment to organize his thoughts and get himself together. 

Enjolras took a deep breath before trying again. “So I want you to tie me up.”

“Yes,” Grantaire nodded.

“And you said,” Enjolras said slowly, “that we need to talk about it.”   
  


“Yes, I did,” Grantaire nodded. “Bondage isn’t something you can just walking into blindly. So…”

“So,” Enjolras said. “I — uh — I don’t really know where to begin.”

“Allow me?” Grantaire said. 

Enjolras nodded appreciatively. 

“Okay,” Grantaire said. “First thing’s first… Why do you want to try bondage?”

Enjolras tilted his head. “Do I need a reason?”

“Not necessarily, no,” Grantaire shook his head. “But I’ve learned that everyone has some kind of reason for everything they do, even if that reason is simply because they want to. Which, by the way, is totally acceptable reason for wanting to try bondage.”

“Oh,” Enjolras said. “Well, I didn’t really think about why I want to try. I just… do.”

“Okay, fair enough,” Grantaire nodded. “Now, how tied up would you like to be?”

  
“What do you mean?” Enjolras asked. 

“I mean do you want me to just tie your hands?” Grantaire asked. “Do you want me to tie your hands and your feet? Do you want me to tie your hands  _ to  _ your feet? Hands to the bed? Legs to to the bed? Both?”

“Oh, wow,” Enjolras said, looking a tad overwhelmed. “I — erm — I didn’t really think that through. But I suppose, just starting off and all, just tying my hands to the headboard would be — that would be good.”

“Okay,” Grantaire said. “Now, as for the safeword.”

“Safeword?” Enjolras raised his eyebrows. 

“Yes, it’s a word that you would use if you want to —” 

“I know what a safeword is, thanks,” Enjolras said. “I’m not  _ that  _ oblivious. I just meant, like, will I really need one? I thought those were for things like spanking and all that.”

“They’re used then too,” Grantaire nodded. “But you need a safeword. Don’t get me wrong, if you say stop then I’m stopping.”

“Then what’s the point of a safeword?” Enjolras asked. “Why can’t I just tell you to stop?”

“Yeah, I get what you’re saying. You could,” Grantaire said. “But you might say ‘stop’, and not really mean stop. You might say ‘stop’ and mean you need a break, but if you don’t have a safeword and you tell me to stop then, well, I’m not a mind reader. If you  _ do _ have a safeword and you tell me to stop, I know to just give you a break, and if you  _ safeword  _ then I know the ropes need to come off and then I need to get away from you and give you space.”

“Oh, okay,” Enjolras nodded. “That makes sense.”

“Yeah,” Grantaire said. “There are other reasons safewords make everything — well —  _ safer.  _ They make things more pleasant too. Some people want to be pushed, they want to be a given a little too much, a little out of their comfort zone, a little past their limits. One might say ‘stop’ or ‘no’ a couple times when that’s happening and not really mean it.”

“Have you ever wanted that?” Enjolras asked. “To be pushed past your limits?”

“I haven’t just wanted it,” Grantaire said. “I’ve done it.”

Enjolras tilted his head. “What’s your safeword?” he asked curiously. 

“Rochambeau,” Grantaire grinned.

“Huh.” Enjolras leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “What else have you done?”

Grantaire laughed. “That is not a conversation I’m willing to have sober.”

“You don’t seem to be very shy about your sex life,” Enjolras raised his eyebrows. 

“No,” Grantaire shook his head. “I’m not. So that must give you a hint as to just how  _ dirty  _ those things were.”

A blush crept up Enjolras’ neck. 

“So,” Grantaire clapped his hands together. “Safeword. What would you like yours to be?”

“Oh!” Enjolras said. “Oh. I don’t know. I’m not all that creative, you know.”

“You’ve just to pick something way out there,” Grantaire said. “Like ‘custard’, or ‘monarchy’, or ‘Aruba’.”

“Erm,” Enjolras frowned. 

“Or you could use the traffic light system,” Grantaire shrugged. “That way I can do a color check every so often. Green means you’re a-okay, yellow means slow down or pause, and red means everything everything stops and all the restraints come off.”

“That — yeah, that sounds like a good idea,” Enjolras nodded. 

“Great,” Grantaire said. “I’m going to keep it all relatively mellow, about as vanilla as bondage can get, just so you know. Is there anything you really want me to do? Because if not then I’m just going with the basics.”

“Yeah, just,” Enjolras sighed, “just tie me up. That’s all.”

“And fuck you,” Grantaire grinned. 

Enjolras blushed. “Yes, that too.”

“Brilliant!” Grantaire said and that  _ should  _ have been the end of their day together, but Grantaire somehow found himself stumbling into his dorm with a drunken Enjolras. 

He wasn’t too sure how coffee had turned into lunch, or how lunch had turned into going to the library to study together, or how that had turned into a movie, or how the movie had turned into dinner but here he was, stumbling into his room, both Enjolras and himself drunk as  _ shit.  _

Enjolras was giggling, which he only ever did he was  _ really  _ drunk. He was hanging off of Grantaire, holding onto him by his neck.

“I don’t wanna go back to my dorm room,” Enjolras whined. 

“So don’t,” Grantaire smiled. He fell backward onto his bed, pulling Enjolras down with him.

Enjolras buried his face in Grantaire’s neck. “Combeferre will get suspicious,” he mumbled.

“Who cares?” Grantaire frowned. “Just tell him you got shitfaced and didn’t feel like walking home. He never has to know what we do. Besides, just because you  _ sleep here,  _ that doesn’t automatically mean we’re  _ sleeping together. _ ”

“I guess you’re right,” Enjolras sighed. “And honestly, if I tried to walk back to my dorm right now, I’d probably end up in a ditch somewhere somehow.”

“You are  _ so drunk. _ ”

“Well, so are you!”   
  


“Never said I wasn’t!”

They laughed together.

Enjolras sighed. “Remember earlier when I said I hadn’t given it much thought?”

“Given what much thought?”

“Why I want to try bondage.”

“Ah, right,” Grantaire nodded. “I don’t know. Kind of. Let’s say I  _ vaguely  _ remember.”

“I  _ lied, _ ” Enjolras giggled and Grantaire’s eyebrows shot up in interest. “I want to be tied up because I am always  _ trying.  _ Trying to everything right, trying to be perfect, and for a little while I need to just stop. I need someone to take over for a while so I can stop trying so damn hard.”

“Well, I’d be happy to,” Grantaire smiled. “But, for the record, you’re already perfect. You don’t have to try.”

_ Oh, dear god, did I say that out loud?  _ Grantaire thought to himself.

Enjolras laughed. “Thanks, R,” he rolled his eyes. “Hey, what sex things have you done that you wouldn’t tell me while sober?”

“Oh,  _ those, _ ” Grantaire smirked. 

“Oh, jeez,” Enjolras laughed. 

“Do you really want to know?” Grantaire asked and Enjolras nodded eagerly. “Okay, uh, let’s see. Did you say something about spanking earlier? I feel like you did. Maybe that was you, I don’t know.”   
  


“I’m too drunk to remember,” Enjolras shrugged. 

“Okay, well,  _ that, _ ” Grantaire said and Enjolras looked at him with wide eyes. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Isn’t it?” Enjolras asked. “You’ve done crazier shit?”

“Yep,” Grantaire nodded.    
  


“Okay,” Enjolras said slowly. “What’s the craziest thing you’ve done?”

“Hmm,” Grantaire said and he honestly had to consider that for a second. “Okay, craziest sex thing I’ve ever done. It was last year over Christmas break. A very good friend of mine and I booked a hotel room for a whole weekend. He tied me to the bed… for the whole weekend.”

“ _ Shit, _ ” Enjolras hissed. 

“And he, well, to put it simply, he  _ dominated  _ me,” Grantaire laughed. “He used just about every trick in the book. We got there Friday night, you know, and he didn’t let me come until Sunday morning.”

Enjolras squirmed, trying not picture, trying not to imagine what Grantaire would look like laid out on sleek sheets, his hands wrists and ankles tied to the bed. He’d make these  _ noises,  _ Enjolras was sure, and he’d smell of sex. 

“You okay, Apollo?” Grantaire asked. 

Enjolras nodded. “Yes,” he said, his voice hoarse. “I —  _ seriously,  _ why do you call me that?”

“I already answered that,” Grantaire said, looking away from Enjolras’ eyes to focus on his hair. He ran his finger through Enjolras’ blond curls. 

“You really didn’t, though,” Enjolras frowned. 

“Talk about something else, Enj, you’re making my brain hurt,” Grantaire grumbled and closed his eyes. 

“Okay, what do you want me to talk about?” Enjolras asked. 

“I don’t know, anything you want,” Grantaire shrugged. “Or you don’t have to talk at all. You could just cuddle with me. Fall asleep with me.”

Enjolras moved his head to kiss the center of Grantaire’s throat and Grantaire was just  _ waiting  _ for Enjolras to see he didn’t want to cuddle with him or simply fall asleep with him, he wanted to fuck. Not that Grantaire would agree, because Enjolras was drunk out of his mind and he didn’t care if they’d already had sex several times, he’d given Enjolras the conditions of the deal from the beginning and he wasn’t about to give a little.

_ He doesn’t want anything more than sex,  _ Grantaire’s own mind reminded him,  _ that’s the deal you two have. Just sex. The deal  _ you agreed  _ to.  _

But then Enjolras rested his cheek against the place where Grantaire’s neck became his shoulder. “Okay,” he said. 

Grantaire nudged him lightly so he could sit up and grab the blankets. He draped them over the two of them then laid back down and held Enjolras close to him. 

“Grantaire?”

“Hm?”

“Why don’t you ever go on dates?”

“Well, what do you call it when we meet up?” Grantaire joked. 

“Those aren’t date,” Enjolras rolled his eyes. 

_ Of course they aren’t,  _ Grantaire thought to himself bitterly.  _ I know they aren’t dates. I’m not that lucky. _

“You don’t go on dates,” Grantaire accused. 

“I’m too busy,” Enjolras shrugged. “I’m a double major and I organize protests and rallies and fundraisers for local charities. I don’t have time for romance.”

_ Great, that’s just what I want to hear,  _ Grantaire thought.  _ Thanks a bunch, Apollo. _

“But what about you?” Enjolras questioned. “What’s keeping you from finding a someone to, I don’t know…”

“Make me believe in something? Make me less cynical?” Grantaire raised his eyebrows. 

“Well, yes,” Enjolras nodded. 

Grantaire rolled his eyes. “I’m not good at the whole dating thing.”

_ Oh, sure,  _ that’s  _ what you want the guy who you want to  _ date  _ to hear.  _ Grantaire mentally kicked himself.

“How do you mean?” Enjolras furrowed his brow.

“Well, when you go on dates people want to dig deep and learn everything about you,” Grantaire said. “They want to  _ get to know you.  _ Which, yeah, makes sense. That’s the point of dating. But when people dig a little deeper with me, they usually don’t like what they uncover.”

Enjolras frowned and stroked Grantaire’s cheek gently with his thumb. 

“People want to talk about my childhood and either I lie through my teeth, or I tell them that my father beat me,” Grantaire said and he knew that he should stop. He knew he  _ needed  _ to stop because he was too drunk to be having this kind of conversation and if he wasn’t careful then all the secrets that he kept so carefully tucked away would just come pouring out. “People want to talk about my dreams and aspirations, and I just don’t have any. None that I think will ever happen.”

“You’re — you’re a very talented artist, Grantaire,” Enjolras frowned. 

Grantaire closed his eyes. “People ask me, ‘Where do you see yourself in ten years?’ I hate that. Like… I see myself cold in the ground, my guy, but that’s not the answer you want to hear so this is an awkward predicament we’re in.”

He was shaking his head a little. He was going too far, saying too much. He was going to scare Enjolras off and he knew it.

“Grantaire,” Enjolras said softly. 

“Yeah,” Grantaire opened his eyes again. 

“You should sleep,” Enjolras said. 

Grantaire stared at him. 

“Please,” Enjolras said. “Rest.”

Grantaire finally nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

Enjolras reached behind himself and pulled the chain on the lamp, encasing them in total darkness. He turned back toward Grantaire and their noses brushed. Grantaire’s breath hitched and for a moment time seemed to be frozen. 

“Grantaire?”

“Mhm?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Grantaire hadn’t thought about it until then. They’d slept together four or five times, now, but they’d never kissed each other. Not directly, not mouth to mouth. It was weird, now that he was thinking about it.

He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want the same kind of relationship that Enjolras wanted, he knew that all too well. He didn’t know what could come of this.

“Yes,” Grantaire breathed. 

Enjolras pressed his lips to Grantaire’s gently. He placed his hands on the back of Grantaire’s neck, pulling him in closer and just kissing him. Grantaire kissed him back and it wasn’t anything deep or sensual. It was chaste, but it was a  _ kiss,  _ and when they parted Grantaire had tears in his eyes. 

He hoped that Enjolras wouldn’t notice because it was so dark but the blond reached up to cup one cheek in his hand and was met with wet cheeks. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Grantaire quickly said, sniffling. “Just tired.”

“Okay,” Enjolras said but he sounded unconvinced. “Sleep. Just sleep.”

Grantaire nodded. He wiped his cheeks and closed his eyes, and he thought that there was no way his drunken brain could embarrass him any further, but then without thinking about it, he said, “Promise you’ll stay. Please.”

He wanted to curse himself, but Enjolras buried his face back in the crook of Grantaire’s neck and said, “I promise.”

***

Grantaire and Enjolras both woke with a start to loud rapping on the door. 

“Ugh,” Grantaire groaned.    
  


“Want me to get it?” Enjolras asked in a groggy voice. 

“No, it’s okay,” Grantaire sighed. He climbed over Enjolras and crossed the room. He opened the door and felt his heart leap into his throat when he found Eponine standing out in the hallway. “Ep! Hi!”

Enjolras’ eyes went wide.

“Hey,” Eponine sighed. “Can we have a drink? I need to drink.”   
  


“Uh, sure, let’s go,” Grantaire nodded. 

  
“Don’t you have anything to drink in your room?” Eponine raised her eyebrows. 

“No,” Grantaire lied. 

Eponine raised her eyebrows even higher. “Since when?”

“I — um — I’m all out,” Grantaire said. 

Eponine crossed her arms. “Grantaire?”

“Eponine?”

“Are you  _ hiding something _ from me?” Eponine snapped. 

“Um — I — no, of course not, I just —” 

Eponine pushed past Grantaire forcefully, ignoring his cry of, “Eponine, wait!” 

Enjolras, who was looking around desperately for a somewhere to hide or another way out of the room, froze at the same time that Eponine stopped dead in her tracks. 

“Eponine,” Enjolras said, trying to sound pleasantly surprised to see her. 

“ _ Enjolras, _ ” Eponine said sharply and it was all she could do not to glare at Grantaire. 

“Uh, I — I have to go, actually,” Enjolras said, making no attempt at smalltalk. “Um. Bye, Grantaire. I’ll — I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Yeah,” Grantaire nodded. 

He  _ wanted _ to say, “Please, no, don’t leave me alone with her. She’s going to eat me alive!” 

But he waved goodbye and closed the door once Enjolras was out in the hallway. 

“What the  _ hell _ , Grantaire?!” Eponine shouted. 

“Just — just breathe for a second, now, Ep,” Grantaire said, holding his hands to shield himself as if he thought she’d  _ actually  _ attack him. “Just give me a second to explain, please!”   
  


“You better explain really fucking fast!” she yelled. 

“Okay, okay, just listen!” Grantaire said. “I —” he sighed, “okay, yes, I slept with him. Just like I said on Halloween, I slept with him when he asked as long as he was sober.”

“Grantaire, I —”

“No, just let me tell you, okay?” Grantaire huffed. “I — okay, we spent the day together yesterday. We went out for coffee in the morning and then we went to lunch. We studied and got homework done together all afternoon, then we saw a movie, went to dinner… And then we got drunk.”

“Oh my  _ god! _ ”

“We didn’t sleep together last night!” Grantaire said. 

“Then why was he —” 

“He just slept here!” Grantaire exclaimed. “He didn’t want to walk back to his dorm, so he stayed here. We talked and he — and he —”

Eponine tilted her head. “And he  _ what? _ ” 

“And he… he  _ kissed _ me,” Grantaire smiled.    
  


“What?” Eponine furrowed her brow. 

“He  _ kissed  _ me, Ep,” Grantaire smiled at her. He nodded slowly. “He kissed me.”

“That’s,” Eponine said, she laughed, she grinned, “that’s  _ amazing! _ ” 

“I know,” Grantaire nodded slowly. “This could go somewhere. I think this could really go somewhere.”

Eponine smiled. “Me too. But you need to tell him how you really feel. It sounds to me as though he might feel the same way, but you’ve got to stop this sleeping with him thing now while you still can or you’ll just screw everything up.”

“I know,” Grantaire groaned unhappily. “But what if — oh, I don’t know about this, ‘Ponine. What if he really  _ doesn’t  _ like me like that?”

“Only one way to find out,” Eponine raised her eyebrows. 

Grantaire sighed. “Yeah, we’ll see.”

Eponine frowned. “You’re going to get your heart broken. I told you I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“I’ll be  _ fine, _ ” Grantaire said. 

Eponine wasn’t convinced. 

***

“Grantaire — yes — oh,  _ god,  _ yes!” Enjolras was anything but quiet beneath Grantaire. “Right there!  _ Right there! _ ”

Grantaire had set a punishing pace.  _ Relentless.  _

“Please, Grantaire,  _ please! _ ” Enjolras cried. 

Grantaire reached down in between them, grabbed hold of Enjolras’ cock, stripping his hand over the shaft. 

“Yes, yes,  _ yes! _ Gran _ taire! _ ” Enjolras came with his partner’s name on his lips and Grantaire followed him over that edge. 

They breathed heavily and Enjolras cupped Grantaire’s face in his hands and kissed him deeply. “Yes, yes,” he sighed happily, “so good, Grantaire, so good.”

“Hm,” Grantaire hummed and kissed Enjolras’ temple. 

“I’m going away this weekend,” Enjolras told him. 

“Oh?” Grantaire said. “Where to?”

“Protest in London,” Enjolras said. 

“Be careful,” Grantaire said. 

“You’ve never told me to be careful at a protest before,” Enjolras said. 

“Well, I am now,” Grantaire shrugged.

“Okay,” Enjolras said. “I will.”

“Good.”

He could have told him. He could have told him that he wanted him to be careful because he  _ cared so much.  _ He loved him so much and he needed for him to come back to Paris safely and in one piece. 

He  _ loved  _ him. 

He could have said it. 

But he didn’t.

**Author's Note:**

> there will be one more part in this series :) hope you've enjoyed so far!
> 
> please leave feedback, I need constant validation ;)
> 
> all the love xx


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